Unspoken
by literallyinatree
Summary: It was funny how little things could break a person down; but it was special when it could build you back up. (Post TGI.)


It was stupid how something so small could crush the air out of my lungs and bring harsh tears to my eyes. Normally it wouldn't have— _shouldn't_ have. But it did and it hurt, it hurt so much.

I inhaled, trying to do it softly, but since I was trying to hold back a cascade of tears, it came out loud and ragged with the force of me trying not to burst out sobbing. The fraying bright pink hair tie was lying in my cupped palms, a mockery, a memory. All my anger and sadness. Who knew something this...this minuscule would open a dam I tried too many times to patch over.

I knew I should have never dug it back out, should have never even thought about doing it in the first place; but here I was, perched on the edge of my bed, holding something that brought too many painful memories. And yet...

I sighed unevenly, bowed my head, cupped the stupid hair tie to my chest. I just wanted things to be better, to be easier. I knew that it was a long shot and I expected too much of myself, wanting to bury these feelings, but my body was at a broken point and I couldn't hold it in any longer.

The fist sob was quiet, barely a whisper, but then as my vision blurred and I couldn't see, I let go. The funny thing about being recently turned immortal was that my brain still told myself I was able to feel mortal pain. My chest tightened and filled with pressure, my eyes and nose burned, and where I dug my nails into palms, it stung.

"Kate?"

I hiccuped, turning my head away, crawling further along the bed to get away. I didn't want Henry to see me like this, not when I was falling apart. "I-I'm fine." My voice was thick and I swallowed.

I felt the bed dip and a gentle hand was on my face, turning me towards him. Henry wore a solemn expression and wiped away the tears as best he could. I put my hand on his chest and tried to push him away, but I felt my resistance start to slide when he traced his thumb softly across my cheekbone, tucking my hair behind my ear. My lips wobbled into a smile, or at least tried to, before I felt a sob rise again; I buried my face in his shoulder, wrapped my arms arms around his neck. He rubbed my back gently, leaning his head against mine. I squeezed my eyes shut, tightening my hold as he began to rock us back and forth.

I don't know how much time passed before I was able to lift my head and rest my chin on his shoulder; my eyes felt dry and my face stiff with dried tears. I was glad that he didn't say anything as I pulled back to look him in the eyes. He stayed silent still as I touched his face, him kissing my forehead, me closing my eyes and reveling in the warmth that built under my skin where his hands splayed on my back. Words seemed too insignificant and unnecessary to communicate what we both felt in that moment. Actions always seemed to suffice.

I titled my head back as he titled his down, ours noses skimming. His mouth was gentle against mine, never pushing or demanding, letting me set the pace as he always did. His hands were skittish as they drifted up my arms, over my shoulders, my neck to cup my face. A new pressure built in my chest, an overwhelming ache that I didn't have words to describe. I laid my palm over his heart, feeling its fast beat through the layer of fabric; it matched my own pulse. He placed his hand over mine, pulling away only far enough to rest his forehead on mine.

I opened my eyes, watching his eyelashes flutter against his cheekbones. "You know I need you, right?" I whispered, hoping that he realized just how much I needed him, and how much more I wanted to say, but couldn't find the right amount of words. It seemed so superficial, so incomprehensible to explain. I loved him, but those words were too small, too mundane to even grasp how much of what I felt for him.

His eyes opened, a pool of silver. I swore I could have seen my reflection in them, the way he saw me. "As I need you."

I held him tighter, not ready to let go of him yet. Stretching out his legs, he laid back, pulling me against his chest. I settled with him, just needing this quietness between us. I still held the hair tie, clenched in my fist. So it was no surprise when Henry gently opened my fingers, sliding his fingers between mine so it was caught between out palms. Tears pricked my eyes, but I wasn't sad.

I squeezed his hand, my silent _thank you_ not lost on him. He responded with a kiss to my temple, pulling the comforter over our bodies, hiding us from the rest of the world.

* * *

 _Hello everybody! I guess after a few months of giving up writing all together (which had been a horrible, horrible time period) I thought I'd give it a whirl again! What came out was this. It might be a little OOC, I apologize, but I kept replaying in my head of the time Ava gave Kate that pink hair tie. And such questions ensued: what did she do with it? Did she still have it? When she and Henry were playing teleportation tag in Olympus, and she pulled her hair up, was it the same hair tie? And it had me thinking about what pain it would cause her to still have it (which is a very, very real thing; please fight me on this) and it might be the only canonically thing Ava has ever given her. If I'm wrong, please correct me and fight me. And I didn't bother editing it; I was lazy and I'm not sorry._

 _Please enjoy, and feel free to contact me about anything if you wish! Books in particular. The Raven Cycle, specifically.  
_


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